Crazy and Calm.

Since Laila has blossomed into full on toddler-hood (can we use that term?..ok good) We have been picking up on her little routines and quirks. She has a routine at night and a routine for playing. She's also developed a routine for mommy and daddy.

 When we get home from work ( I work a 10 hr shift, daddy works 8 hr shift) She goes insane with daddy for about 2 hours. He throws her, chases her, tickles her, wrestles, and also makes up some adlibbed MMA moves that send me into heart attack mode. But they have a blast. She has names for their "moves". The hold tight, the rockabye baby, the Yosef (no clue what it means but she usually says it alot when being chased.) I even get in on the actions some evenings. Until my achy pregnant hips tell me to set my happy arse down.

She comes to mama for her calm. She sometimes wants to be held or rocked. She loves it when I sing to her. Sometimes she gets too emotional and I have to stop. Definitely my child. In the evenings I come home, sit on the floor and just hold her. She tells me about her day. In the mornings, she finds me and gives me stinky breath kisses.  She's like a new baby all over again. If she gets hurt or upset...or if she needs to "tell on daddy"(haha) she comes to me. I love it. My kisses hold healing powers now, so I need to be around just in-case booboos arise.

I hope when the baby gets here, we can keep our routines up. Until then, we're going to wear this little girl out during play and always be there to hold her like a newborn when we're done.

Vegan Crumb cake

This pregnancy has me in the mood for baking 24/7. This past weekend, we made a coffee cake aka crumble cake. It was soo good and 100% vegan. Here's the recipe. Let me know if you try it and how you like!!! Warning: your house will smell amazeballs for a few days after you make it (if you like that sorta thing)





Crumb topping:
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup vegan butter, melted
Cake:
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup soy or almond milk
1/2 cup canola oil
1 teaspoon white or apple-cider vinegar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
To make the crumb topping:
In a medium bowl, combine flour, sugar, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt. Add the melted vegan butter and toss with 2 forks, as if you were tossing salad, until it appears crumbly. The crumbs should be the size of small peas.
To make the cake: Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Lightly grease an 8-inch square pan.
In a large bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. In a separate bowl, whisk together nondairy milk, oil, vinegar, and vanilla. Pour the wet mixture into the dry mixture and whisk until just combined. Do not over mix.
Fill the prepared pan with batter and evenly sprinkle with the crumb topping. Bake for about 40 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out dry with a few crumbs clinging to it. Let cool, and EAT!
*for a gluten-free cake , substitute gluten-free all-purpose flour plus 1/2 teaspoon xanthan gum. Bob’s Red Mill Gluten-free All-Purpose flour is a great product. For a gluten-free crumb topping, substitute with gluten-free flour.


ENJOY YO'SELF! 

An ode to breastfeeding:

An ode to breastfeeding:

We saw ups and downs. Many times I wanted to stop. Just give up. But the joy it gave to my little one...the bonding and nourishment it brought, is what kept me going. Had Mastitis twice...we nursed through it all. You kept my child fed, secure on sleeplessness nights,  and no matter how bad the day was, it made everything better again. I nursed under trees, in private, by the water, and on top of mountains. I nursed in the car, fitting rooms. I've received pats on the back and dirty looks. I've been bitten. There were days I felt like it was all I was good for. There were days when it's the only thing that helped my little one. As of this month...Laila has officially self weaned. I'm so sad. There's simply nothing left.... with her little sister growing inside. Over two and a half years. We made it longer than I could have hoped for. She still clings to my breasts when tired. It will always be a part of our bond. Until I am nursing another new baby for the first time...beginning the adventure again, I thank you breastfeeding....for shaping me into a mother. 

Hello friends! As you can see, we got our results on the baby's gender. We are soo pleased and happy that it's a girl! Laila is ecstatic! Luckily we saved everything from Laila so we are set!

I was also able to go over those midwife questions from my last blog. She assured me that their VBAC success rate is amazing. They said they have never lost a mother or a baby due to rupture. She also said that they are still awaiting my C-section records from my old ob. They have to make sure I have the right uterine scar for VBAC. They still don't know what it is, but she is betting that everything is fine and all systems will be a go! She also cleared up that they only do "water labor" the actual birth has to be with me out of water. But I can be in any position I want for that.

I'm a major believer in letting the baby come when ready. They are too. She said because of what happened last time, they don't want me going 10 days past my due date. They are also going to offer to strip my membranes at 38 weeks. She doesn't want the baby getting so big (and this baby has measure a week ahead every time) that my scar does rupture. We will see. I really want my water to break again on it's own..but am terrified at seeing green water again. They will have to do constant fetal monitoring during the birth. I'm so excited. If I do happen do opt for "the sweep" it would be December 19th.

I think I am going to turn my comments back on. I had turned them off due to some weird comments about my parenting style. Attachment parenting is not for everyone. Please don't judge me. Everyone is different and does what works for them.

On another note: any cool ideas for names?

Until next time!

VBAC

Today my post is about my upcoming VBAC (definition above). If you've read Laila's birth story, you know that she was a c-section baby. Not by choice. There's nothing wrong with a C-section... I personally just wanted to avoid it. The NICU stay that followed, further added to my nightmare. This time will be different. This time I will birth in a birthing center, surrounded by people I love comfortably resting in a warm birthing pool. This is my goal. This is what has to happen.

I'm nervous. Not going to lie. I labored on my own for quite some time with Laila before the "infection" screwed everything up. I know I can do this. While browsing the internet for success  stories (stupid right?) I also found horror stories. Ruptured uterus, dead babies, mothers who didn't make it. Scary shit. Those stories, the bad ones, always stick with you for some reason.
 I know a few moms, including my midwife, that have successfully VBAC'd multiple times.

I had to sign my VBAC waiver 5 weeks ago at my last ob appt. I'm nervous. Tomorrow, after the anatomy scan, we meet with the midwife to go over more questions. I have lots.

• is my uterine scar cut the right way for VBAC (apparently this matters)
• What happens if my scar was to rupture?
• If baby is late ( Laila was 2 weeks late, which caused the infected meconium waters) will they propose to induce me, given what happened last time?
• Have you ever experienced issues with any VBACS? What was the outcome?

I'm sure more things are going to pop into my head before then. For now, I'm happy the morning sickness is gone. I'm happy I have more energy.  And so relieved and excited that we can finally feel the baby moving. Extremely excited about finding out the gender (post on that soon) Until next time, please send good vibes to my uterus. That sounds so odd.

We meet again....

I've gone back and forth about deleting this blog all together. I've been very busy/preoccupied. Reasons to continue the blog:

1. I was able to vent and write about what's on my mind. 
2. I was able to look back at times past..and remember (I have a bad memory). 
3.  I have more people asking me to write again.
4. I've always been a big journal keeper and it makes me feel good to just write. 

Reasons to delete the blog:

1. I don't have a computer so I have to painfully touchscreen type every word.
2. People that I do not have contact with any longer, still have this link and I would rather them not know about my personal life.
3. I'm an introvert and hate putting myself out there most times.

So, with the good outweighing the bad... and on my 27th birthday mind you, I have decided to blog again. Hope you all will follow me in my journey to motherhood for the second time :-)